It’s really hard to be a badass when you’re a sensitive soul.
You see, I’ve always wanted to be one of those women who didn’t give a crap about what anyone else thought of her. I’ve wanted to walk with a swagger wearing a jacket that says, “Haters gonna hate,” on the back of it. But, instead I’m just sitting here, post workout, with a sweaty face, greasy hair, and a pink tshirt.
About three weeks ago, a boy I had been dating told me he didn’t want to see me anymore. My response was to say, “okay! 😄” and then asked 100 more clarifying questions, since this convo was over text.
Anyways, regardless of the circumstances surrounding the conversation, I walked away from it, determined to be a badass. This was a very short dating relationship. It wasn’t like we were serious or anything. I gave myself 24 hours to be a little bummed, and then I was essentially fine. I didn’t think about it, was focused on having a good time with my friends and my daughter, and just went about my business.
But then tonight, it was revealed to me that he is dating someone else. And I didn’t really feel anger. I didn’t feel like a badass. I just felt…confused.
So after I was given this information I started to chat with my circle of trust–aka, my close friends about this. I asked them several questions–seeking answers from them. (My lovely friends are just amazing, by the way.) I asked them questions like, “Do you think he was dating us simultaneously?” and “Why is her dog in his profile pic?”
And they wisely said things to me like this:
- Don’t make any assumptions.
- He’s dating. He’s trying it out. He tried it with you. Liked it. Now, he’s trying it with her.
And so here are my friends, being all wise and shit, and here I am, still asking the same question on repeat:
And here’s the thing. Now I’m lying here in bed, looking at my lovely daughter, and realizing that life is beautiful, and life is brutal. One of my favorite bloggers, Glennon Doyle Melton, says, “Life is brutiful.” And I want to add that it’s seriously funny. Because it’s just a damn dog. And now my friends and I are laughing about me saying over and over again, “why is her dog in his profile pic?” Because it’s funny and beautiful and brutal all at the same time.
And I might not be a badass. But I love my life and will continue to laugh my ass off at the craziness of it all, and embrace that it’s brutiful.