Do you know what it’s like to be a perfectionist?
Sometimes perfectionists are not who you think they are. They may look like they have their sh** together OR they may look like very unproductive people; when in fact, they are just stuck. This is one of the truest things I’ve ever written about that:
You know why it sucks so bad? Because you just get this debilitating feeling like you can’t freaking do something right, so you just don’t do it.
For example, tonight I wanted to sit down and write this on my blog:
I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I stink. I suck at everything. I stink. I suck. I suck. I suck. I have so much to say, but can’t figure it out, so I suck. I suck.
Because OMG that’s TOTALLY HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW.
I am working so hard at eating clean but I ate two servings today of junk food and now I suck.
I am working so hard to be better at Crossfit and yoga, but I haven’t made it to the gym in a few days, so I suck.
I am working so hard at being firmer and more consistent in my discipline with Aliana, but I let her stay up 30 minutes past her bedtime last night, so I suck.
I suck I suck I suck I suck.
That has been my mantra. Wow. Would you want to live inside my head now? Probably not.
But here’s the thing. I’ve been struggling with this crap for years. And if there’s one thing I noticed, it’s this: the only constant is change.
Right now I feel crappy and unproductive, but next week will be better. There will be good weeks and bad weeks. There will be times when I need to meditate, pray, and rest, and times that I need to hit the pavement like a badass and just churn out tasks like nobody’s business. There will be times I am so productive that nobody can match how efficient I am, and there will be other times that I will simply stumble around like a bumblebee with a low IQ.
And that’s just how I’m wired. It’s the very nature of WHO I am. I am a dichotomy-productive, yet sputtering; hardworking, yet idle; classy, yet disheveled.
And I know, as a wise friend once told me, “Emily… What if doing something ‘good enough,’ ACTUALLY REALLY IS GOOD ENOUGH?”
That’s ⬆️⬆️ the lesson right there. Sometimes doing something half assed–with the intent to love yourself or others–is actually okay. If I’m really not wanting to go for a run, but I go for a run and end up running kind of half assed, IT’S STILL GOOD THAT I WENT FOR A RUN.
So tonight, I’m going to replace the “I suck” with “Good enough is good enough.” And please don’t mistake my message for saying that I’m against self discipline. Self discipline is very important to me and it’s the reason why I’m frequently re-evaluating my goals. What I’m against is self loathing–all because we had a bad day or week and didn’t do things as we wanted to.
And I’m also going to keep watching this ten second video footage from the field trip I went on today with a bunch of second graders. Because I LOVE this one kid’s reaction to learning that he may see wild animals. We need to be like this kid–alive with curiosity and joy. ❤️